Laws Never Eat Alone And Other Secrets To Success Pdf


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Never Eat Alone. And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time. KEITH FERRAZZI . elementary school I attended, while the other children ducked. Editorial Reviews. From Publishers Weekly. The youngest partner in Deloitte Consulting's history and founder of the consulting company Ferrazzi Greenlight, the. Never Eat Alone, EXPANDED a n d UPDATED And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time KEITH FERRAZZI AN D TAHL.

Books, Audiobooks and Summaries. Do you seek success in business? The secret, for networking master Keith Ferrazzi, is to meet new people. He discovered, early in life, that what distinguishes successful people were the way they used the power of relationships. In Never Eat Alone, he tells the actions and mental models he uses to connect with thousands of friends, colleagues, and people he has helped and who have already helped him. Caring attitude with a dose of vulnerability is the perfect recipe for creating and maintaining strong interpersonal bonds. We live in a time where a good feedback from someone is such a difficult thing to attain, and the bad one is spread within minutes.

A vast network of contacts is useless if you have no goals and for Keith, a goal is a dream come true. To know what your goals are and create a plan, you need to follow 3 simple steps. First, answer: What do I really love doing? Then ask yourself: What would I like to do for the rest of my life? Write down the answers on paper, break them into smaller goals that you can gradually accomplish and begin to achieve.

To be even more successful, create advice from people you admire in the area of your dreams by creating a connection with them.

How to reach them? The rest of this microbook will help you! If you want to be able to count on people in the future, you need to create your network of relationships before you need it and this is done through planning.

Many wait until they need others to connect and that makes them fail, after all nobody wants to connect with someone who is constantly seeking help.

Start your network as soon as possible, and when you need it, it will be working. To start your network, you can join local groups that interest you, take leadership positions on something voluntary, enroll in a class of interest. Most people are a little afraid or insecure about starting new relationships and getting close to others. To feel comfortable in social situations, they recommend that you study those who have more social skills than you.

Observe how they act in social situations, their communication, posture and try to bring some of it to yourself. Talk more, analyze your conversations and learn from them.

To start developing your network of contacts, you also need to build courage and get started, and the best way to learn is by practicing. Set up a strategy to meet at least one new person per week and keep practicing consistently. Also, it is important that you put your brain into a generosity mode. Ask yourself: How can I help this person? Meeting others is not about how much time you invest in the relationship, but about how you invest your time with them.

Your friendships, for example, are based on a lot of time invested that allowed you to find many points in common with them. Finding common ground is also the key to starting new relationships.

An example of a good common ground in a relationship could be a shared activity or interest. Pay attention to what people say, listen actively and capture the commonalities. Another interesting point is to approach people in social events because in them we are much more relaxed, authentic and accessible.

There is no better time to actually meet someone than on occasions when he is actually having fun. Of course, on such occasions, you should also be prepared to have a good chat. To do this, you need to follow a fundamental rule: But be considerate, honest and open with the other person.

Instead of banal conversations, you should always share something interesting or establish an enlightening conversation. Have you ever been to an event that had an annoying person, stuffing people and apparently only interested in networking? Yeah, do not be this guy! And for that, Keith brings us 6 powerful rules. By following the above rules and being available to connect people, give information and advice, you can rest assured that it will not become that guy of networking.

Your homework is to know what things that person likes, what they do and especially to identify common points that you have. Use Google and Linkedin to find out.

Take notes and prepare for each scheduled meeting. Doing your homework, you have something to break the ice and make a good first impression. Join groups, invite diverse people and introduce people. The more you connect people, the easier it gets to make new connections. One of the most important things about networking is to follow up after a meeting or meeting someone.

Send an email or a written note thanking the person for a personal touch. A handwritten note shows that you care and really invested your time to do something personal. Going to a conference? Do not sit around doing anything and just watching the lectures or think that a conference is like a vacation.

Plan your goals first and make a list of the people you want to meet. Find out beforehand who will be present, even if you have to call the organizers asking.

Do not forget your list and make notes of each new contact. There are many other people there spending their time harassing the speaker and waiting in line can be a waste of time. If you really want to talk to him, do it before the lecture, because afterward, all will want to talk to him. Another tip is to meet the conference organizers and bigwigs and stick with them.

All the important people of an event gravitate around them, and this can generate good connections for you. When you come back from the conference, write on paper summarizing for yourself what you did and what you learned. If you want to take your network to a new level, you need to connect to people who already have thousands of contacts.

They are the connectors. While it is possible for connectors to operate in a variety of areas, they tend to appear more frequently in certain areas, and the main ones are:. These professions seem to be tailor-made for connectors because they allow these people to connect with a large and diverse volume of people.

If you want to increase your personal network, you should approach and meet someone from these professions. If someone needs help getting a job , putting the kids in a better school or for a medical treatment that you could help, simply help. If you can connect and help someone in any of these 3 areas, you will be able to create a long and lasting relationship, and the gratitude of the people is enormous.

People do not want to connect with jerks or people they consider annoying. But you do not need to be annoying while making a constant effort to become interesting. For this, be informed about the news, have interesting points of view on matters of public interest. Also, asking seemingly silly questions demonstrates your willingness to learn and interest in people. Knowing how to ask questions is an art that you must master.

If you ask the right questions, people engage, they begin to talk freely, and instantly you become more interesting. In addition to becoming interesting, it is important that you build a personal brand. Having answered these questions, you must be ready to create your personal brand. The packaging of your brand is the way you present yourself.

You need to think seriously about your clothes, talk style, hairstyle, business cards, letterhead and your office. All this communicates to the world the message of your brand. Understand this and cultivate your personal brand from there. Once you have a brand, you need to be able to promote it! The best way to do this is to become your own PR agent. This means that you must accept the spotlight and always seek the positive attention of people.

Take the initiative and accept being exposed when it comes to presenting things, speaking in public, etc. The people who met him during this time were astonished by his wisdom and passion. Eventually, he was invited to speak at Sarah Lawrence College. One lecture led to another, until finally, when Campbell looked up one day twenty-eight years later, he was a famous author and professor of mythology, doing what he loved, at the same school that had given him his first break.

We only have to look for it. Deciding on your passion, your bliss, your blue flame is no different. There are two aspects to getting good information. One part comes from within you; the other part comes from those around you. Look inside There are many ways to conduct a self-assessment of your goals and dreams. Some people pray. Others meditate or read. Some exercise.

A few seek long periods of solitude.

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You have to be able to set aside the obstacles of time, money, and obligation. Next to that first list, I write down in a second column all the things that bring me joy and pleasure: The clues can be found in the hobbies you pursue and the magazines, movies, and books you enjoy.

Look outside Next, ask the people who know you best what they think your greatest strengths and weaknesses are. Then he stopped. He described driving to school through the suburbs of Houston and ogling the office buildings with their great flagpoles. Dell wanted a flagpole. He wanted that kind of presence. To him, it was a symbol of success, and it drove him to envision starting up his own company before he could legally order a drink.

Today, he has three flagpoles. Our achievements grow according to the size of our dreams and the degree to which we are in touch with our mission. Coming up with goals, updating them, and monitoring our progress in achieving them is less important, I believe, than the process of emotionally deciding what it is you want to do.

Does that mean a hopeless dreamer could have run GE as well as Neutron Jack? Of course not. The transformation of a dream into reality requires hard work and discipline. He has the ability and sensibility that allows him to walk into various industries and see where the opportunities are. The mission is often risky, unconventional, and most likely tough as hell to achieve. But it is possible. The kind of discipline that turns a dream into a mission, and a mission into a reality, really just comes down to a process of setting goals.

Step Two: First, it must be imagined. Then, one needs to gather the skills, tools, and materials needed. It takes time. The most simple version of the plan is separated into three distinct parts: The first part is devoted to the development of the goals that will help you fulfill your mission. And the third part helps you determine the best way to reach out to the people who will help you to accomplish your goals.

This means choosing a medium to connect, but, more important, it means finding a way to lead with generosity. Its a bare-bones, straightforward worksheet, but it has been extraordinarily helpful to me, my sales staff, and many of my friends. Under each time frame, I create an A goal and a B goal that will meaningfully contribute to where I want to be three years from now.

A close friend, Jamie, offers a good example of how this works.

Jamie was struggling to find direction in her life. But she found academia too stuffy. She gave business a shot, but found the world of commerce unrewarding. So Jamie spent several months living in Manhattan thinking about where she was going in life, until it occurred to her that what she really wanted to do was teach children. I asked Jamie to give my Relationship Action Plan a try.

She was skeptical at first. Nonetheless, she agreed to try it.

So she set about filling out the worksheet. Her A goal three years forward was to be a teacher. Her three-year B goal was to be a teacher in a well-respected district located in a place she wanted to live. Then she filled in her short-term A and B goals.

In a year, she wanted to be teaching full-time; she made a list of some of the best high schools in Manhattan that she might enjoy working at. Jamie did her research and found the contact for a program that places midcareer professionals into teaching positions. She also found out the names of the people at each of the best high schools she had listed who were responsible for hiring. Within a couple of weeks, Jamie was on her way. She started to see the symbiotic relationship between goal setting and reaching out to the people who can help us achieve those goals.

The more she accomplished, the bigger her teaching network grew. Jamie is now a tenured high school history teacher in one of the best high schools in the country, in Beverly Hills, California. And she loves the job. Ultimately, the third stage helps you do two things: The purpose of this exercise is to show that there is a process, a system if you will, involved in building a network. Connecting with others really just involves having a predetermined plan and carrying it out, whether you want to be a ninth-grade history teacher or start your own business.

Once you have your plan, post it in a place or places where you will see it on a regular basis. Share your goals with others. This is very powerful and perhaps one of the most rewarding aspects of having clear goals—there are hidden opportunities waiting to be accessed in everyone if you just tell them what you want.

I like to keep some variation of mine in my phone to remind myself regularly what I need to be accomplishing, and whom I need to reach out to. A few years ago, I laminated a small version of the sheet and kept it in my wallet. But your goals must be in writing. Have the conviction to put your intentions to paper.

An unwritten wish is just a dream. In writing, its a commitment, a goal. Vague, sweeping goals are too broad to be acted upon. They must be concrete and detailed. Step out of your comfort zone; set goals that require risk and uncertainty. And when you achieve your goal, set another one. He would set annual sales goals for himself, write them down, and place them wherever he could: The man was never satisfied. What matters is the goal setting, Lyle would say, not the goal getting.

To prepare yourself to run a marathon, you must get out there and jog every day. Every day! Step Three: As in any business, even the best- conceived plans benefit from external vetting. It helps to have an enlightened counselor, or two or three, to act as both cheerleader and eagle-eyed supervisor, who will hold you accountable. I call this group my personal board of advisors.

I was adrift. I had to reassess my mission. I had come to Starwood from Deloitte to accept what was an irresistible offer: Up until that point, marketing in the hospitality industry was a regional affair, often left to individual hotels. Our plan was to consolidate our marketing functions under one roof with a global outlook. The new president made it clear that we would not be moving forward with our plan to reorganize the marketing department.

The writing was on the wall for the plan and for me personally. I was shocked. I left: Exercise has always been a refuge where I do some of my best thinking. But some ten miles later, I was still in shock.

The next morning, as I walked into the office, I knew that my future was somewhere else. It was time for me to establish a new goal. Should I seek out another position as chief marketing officer, proving myself by building bigger and better brands, striving for greater revenue and profits , and helping to turn a company into a brand icon? Or should I set my sights even higher?

But it seldom happens for those in marketing. To truly define the brand, the ultimate marketing job was to be the CEO. What were my chances of getting such a job? What sacrifices or risks were involved? In the wake of my disappointment, after years of go, go, go, I felt lost.

I needed to figure out what I wanted to be all over again. And I was scared. For the first time in ages, I had no company to attach to my name. I took a Vipassana meditation retreat where I sat for ten hours each day for ten days straight—in silence. I wondered if I might fritter away all my time thinking. I wondered if I should go back to Pennsylvania and find a smaller pond to inhabit.

What are my weaknesses?

What are the various industry opportunities available to me? I listed the venture capitalists I wanted to meet, the CEOs I knew, the leaders I could turn to for advice, and the companies that I admired. I left all my options open: When everything was laid out, I reached out to my personal board of advisors. Yet when I looked inside myself, that was exactly what I wanted to do.

Sitting down with Tad Smith, then a publishing executive and one of my best friends and advisors, I was told I had to get over the prestige of working for a Fortune company. It was exactly the advice I needed to hear. Now I knew this was where I needed to look, and I began refining my action plan.

From that day on, many of the calls I made, and the meetings and conferences I attended, were aimed at finding the right small company to call home. Three months later, I had five job offers. I had gotten to know Sandy during my time with Deloitte, when I was exploring paths into the entertainment world. Sandy introduced me to the people at a company called YaYa, one of the investments in his firms portfolio.

They had a good concept and the strength of committed employees and founders. They needed a bigger vision to get the market s attention, some buzz for their then-unknown product, and someone who could use all that to sell, sell, sell.

The company was located in Los Angeles, and it offered the sort of unconventional route into the entertainment world I had been looking for and a chance to bring my experience as a marketer to the CEO job. My friend had been inspired by her tale of triumph. Hearing her story, I felt the same way. From the get-go, there were naysayers, people who insisted it couldn't be done. Their negativity simply provided more fuel for her fire.

You just have to push through. Change is hard. You might lose friends, encounter seemingly insurmountable obstacles, and face the most troubling hurdle of all— your own self-doubt. Feigles had always planned to go to college. Raised by a single mother in small-town Milton, Pennsylvania, the opportunities were slim. She was married by seventeen and pregnant a year later.

She worked full-time as a hairstylist in her husband's salon and raised her only son. Twenty years went by. Growth, she reflected, came only from change. And change came only from new goals. She was working part-time as a secretary at the chamber of commerce when she realized life had more to offer. Why am I on the wrong end of this? Not everyone who has a Ph. So she buckled down and learned the subject within a few months. After a summer stint at community college, she decided to apply to a top-tier civil engineering school at Bucknell University.

The associate dean, Trudy Cunningham, didn't sugarcoat the situation. She had supportive friends and advisors all around. For the other students, the end of class meant keg parties and football games. Feigles doesn't remember a day she didn't think of quitting. She failed. I told her not to worry, I wasn't about to commit suicide," she recalls with the wry insight reserved for someone who's been through it.

She ended up with a C in the class. Many sleepless nights and several Cs later, Feigles found herself among other engineers in the graduating class of No one was more astonished than the graduate herself: Reaching your goals can be difficult. Clinton promptly pulled out a black address book. He knew, even then, that he wanted to run for office, and his sense of purpose emboldened his efforts with both passion and sincerity.

Throughout his career, Clinton's political aspirations and his ability to reach out to others have gone hand in hand. Many guests, reflecting on Clinton's presence, remember images more than words: Clinton doesn't just recall your personal information; he uses the information as a means to affirm a bond with you. From Clinton, two lessons are clear: First, the more specific you are about where you want to go in life, the easier it becomes to develop a networking strategy to get there.

Clinton illustrates how charming and popular you can become, and remain, when you treat everyone you meet with sincerity. The great myth of networking is that you start reaching out to others only when you need something like a job. In reality, people who have the largest circle of contacts, mentors, and friends know that you must reach out to others long before you need anything at all.

George, for example, is a smart guy in his twenties who was introduced to me through a mutual friend. George worked in public relations in New York and aspired to start his own PR business. He asked me to lunch one day looking for advice and encouragement. Ten minutes after we sat down, I knew he was on the wrong track. My plan is to work my way up in my current company to a point where I can afford to leave. Had he thought about what kind of industry he wanted to specialize in?

Had he thought about where the top people in that industry hang out? Once he could answer those questions, the next step was to go hang with this new circle of people. Which is why you should offer your services for free—at least at first. Then, and only then, is it time to go back to your company and ask to go half time, or better yet, turn them into your second big client.

You have a group of people who will help transition you into a new career. New graduates find that many entry-level jobs have been replaced by no- or low-paying internships. Too often, we get caught up efficiently doing ineffective things, focusing solely on the work that will get us through the day.

The dynamics of building a relationship are necessarily incremental. Right now, there are countless ways you can begin to create the kind of community that can help further your career. You can: All of these suggestions will help you meet new people. My first year in business school, I started consulting with my friend Tad Smith.

Instead, we wanted to offer our knowledge and work ethic to small companies for cut- rate prices. What about the world you inhabit right now? Are you making the most of the connections you already have?

Imagine, for a moment, that all of your family and friends and associates are a part of a garden. What do you see? Your potential for connecting is at this moment far bigger than you realize. There are a number of things that you can do to harness the power of your preexisting network. Have you investigated the friends and contacts of your parents? How about your siblings? Your friends from college and grad school?

What about your church, bowling league, or gym? How about your doctor or lawyer or Realtor or broker? But the first step has nothing to do with strangers; you should start connecting with the people you do know. Focus on your immediate network: Everyone from your family to your mailman is a portal to an entirely new set of folks. Others around you are far more likely to help you if they already know and like you. Start gardening now.

The Genius of Audacity Seize this very minute; what you can do, or dream you can, begin it; Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. He wanted more for me, his son. He knew I would have a better life if he could help me find a way out of our working-class heritage. He knew nothing of country clubs or private schools.

He could picture only one man who would have the sort of pull that could help me: The two men had never met. But Dad had a clear sense of how the world worked. So he asked to speak with McKenna. McKenna, upon hearing the request, was so intrigued that he took the meeting. In the course of the meeting, he agreed to meet me— but nothing more.

He served on the board of a local private elementary school, the Valley School of Ligonier, where all the wealthy families sent their children; by reputation it was one of the best elementary schools in the country. Strings were pulled, and Mr. McKenna got us an appointment with Peter Messer, the headmaster.

As I look back on my career, that education was the single most important act in my life. Moreover, the lesson I learned from my fathers action, like no other, informed all that I have done since.

He stopped the car, picked it up, and knocked on the door of the home where the discarded toy lay waiting to be picked up. I think I can fix it.

It would make me feel wonderful to give my son something like this. Imagine how that woman felt, having been given an opportunity to give such a gift to another person. It surely made her day. And Dad had taught me that there is genius, even kindness, in being bold. Every time I start to set limits to what I can and cant do, or fear starts to creep into my thinking, I remember that Big Wheel tricycle.

The memories of those days have stuck with me. My father taught me that the worst anyone can say is no. If they choose not to give their time or their help, its their loss. Nothing in my life has created opportunity like a willingness to ask, whatever the situation. Was I nervous? You bet. But I jumped at the opportunity to speak with him and made a beeline for the seat next to his. I do this sort of thing all the time, whatever the situation.

Sometimes I fail. Creating an enriching circle of trusted relationships requires one to be out there, in the mix, all the time.

Then I remember the Big Wheel my father got me, and push ahead anyway. Of course, there are individuals whose inherent self- confidence and social skills enable them to connect with ease. Then there are the rest of us. It was uncomfortable. But you know what? That fear always overrides my anxiety about rejection or being embarrassed.

For many people, the fear of meeting others is closely tied to the fear of public speaking a fear that consistently beats out death as the one thing we dread most.

You are not alone. The second thing is to recognize that getting over that fear is critical to your success. The third is to commit to getting better. But everyone knows that one person within their group of friends and associates who seems to engage others with little or no fear. Take them with you, when appropriate, to social outings and observe their behaviors. Pay attention to their actions. Many businesses have responded to the nearly infinite number of people who recognize they need to become better speakers.

Most people who come to them for help are looking to gain self- confidence and some trusty tools for overcoming shyness. What they do offer is a chance to practice, in a nonintimidating environment, with an instructor who can guide and push you. One of the most well known is the Toastmasters Club. Any hobby is an opportunity to get involved: Clubs develop around all of these interests.

Join up. When you feel up to it, become one of the leaders of the group. This last step is crucial. Being a leader in life takes practice—so practice! The possibilities for making new contacts and reaching out to others will grow and grow. One, I think merely acting on the desire to be better than you are now, no matter the venue, is a very important commitment. Two, some of the most successful people I know have been to a therapist at one point or another in their lives.

Many studies funded by the National Institute of Mental Health report a high success rate using counseling to alleviate the conditions that normally inhibit a shy person. Set a goal for yourself of initiating a meeting with one new person a week. Slide up next to someone at the bar and say hello.

Embrace it as learning. Fail better. Rosenberg is the madam of moxie, and for good reason. She cut the article out and sent a letter to the A. Two weeks went by and her letter went unanswered. Rosenberg went on to become the first woman to speak on behalf of the A. The lesson from that fateful series of events remains with her: The recipe for achievement is a medley of self-assuredness, dogged persistence, and audacity.

Encounters of the audacious kind, as Rosenberg learned, are what successful careers are built upon. I found the script helpful. I think it can help a lot of you as well, and I gratefully offer it to you here: State the situation.

She made it clear to the A. It makes sense that before you can speak persuasively— that is, before you speak from a position of passion and personal knowledge— you need to know where you stand.

Never Eat Alone PDF Summary - Keith Ferrazzi | 12min Blog

Communicate your feelings. We downplay the influence of emotions in our day-to-day contacts, especially in the business world. We're told that vulnerability is a bad thing and we should be wary of revealing our feelings. But as we gain comfort using "I feel" with others, our encounters take on depth and sincerity. Your emotions are a gift of respect and caring to your listeners. Deliver the bottom line. This is the moment of truth when you state, with utter clarity, what it is you want.

If you're going to put your neck on the line, you'd better know why. The truth is the fastest route to a solution, but be realistic. While I knew Phil Knight of Nike wasn't going to buy anything based on one five-minute conversation on a bus in Davos, Switzerland, I did make sure to get his e-mail and tell him that I'd like to follow up with him again sometime.

Then I did so. Use an open-ended question. How do you feel about this? How can we solve this problem? The issue has been raised, your feelings expressed, your desires articulated. With an open-ended suggestion or question, you invite the other person to work toward a solution with you. I didn't insist on a specific lunch date at a specific time with Phil.

I left it open and didn't allow our first exchange to be weighted down by unnecessary obligations. The Networking Jerk Ambition can creep as well as soar. He or she is a schmooze artist, eyes darting at every event in a constant search for a bigger fish to fry. As I learned the hard way. If you knew me as a younger man, you may not have liked me.

I was pretty much out for myself. I wore my unquenchable ambition on my sleeve, befriending those above me and ignoring my peers. Too often people put on one face with their subordinates, another with their boss, and yet another one with their friends. I had some very big ideas about what I wanted to do—things that never had been done from a marketing standpoint in the world of consulting. And now finally I had a team with which to execute them.

But instead of viewing my employees as partners to be wooed in achieving my long-term objectives and theirs, I saw them as called upon to carry out my tasks. Tasks that I thought should have taken hours ended up taking days. I knew I needed to do something, so I reached out to an executive coach, Nancy Badore, who had been coaching high- level CEOs before there was a name for such a thing. When she finally spoke, it struck me to the core.

You talk about aspiring to become a great leader, and theres not one picture in your whole office of anybody but you: She was absolutely right. Had I shown the genuine concern I had for the lives my employees led outside of work? I realized then my long-term success depended on everyone around me. That I worked for them as much as they worked for me!

We vote for the people we like and respect. Great companies are built by CEOs who inspire love and admiration. In todays world, mean guys finish last. My friend and author Tim Sanders taught me there are two reasons for the end of the era of mean business. Choice spells doom for difficult colleagues and leaders. Our culture demands more of us these days.

It demands that we treat one another with respect, that every relationship be seen in mutually beneficial terms. When you look back upon a life and career of reaching out to others, you want to see a web of friendships to fall back on, not the ashes of bad encounters.

Don't schmooze. Have something to say, and say it with passion. I am, too. Lets sit down for fifteen minutes and a cup of coffee. I ask myself. Have they appealed to me emotionally? Have they said they could help me? Have they sought some snippet of commonality between us?

Fm sorry, but networking is not a secret society with some encoded handshake practiced for its own virtue. We must bring virtue to it. Don't rely on the currency of gossip. Of course, using gossip is easier. But it wont do you any good in the long run. Eventually, the information well will run dry as more and more people realize youre not to be trusted. Don't come to the party empty-handed.

Who are the stars of today s digital world? Many of them do it all for free, and their reward is a devout following of people who, in return, offer as much as they receive. Its a loop. In connecting, online and off, youre only as good as what you give away. Don't treat those under you poorly. By , a scathing Vanity Fair profile, with dozens of anonymous and not-so-anonymous sources taking shots at the man, was a very public expression of a dazzling career that had somehow gone horribly wrong. People asked, What happened?

Ovitz has some amazing interpersonal skills, but he wielded them disingenuously. Be transparent. Don't be too efficient. Nothing comes off as less sincere than receiving a mass e-mail addressed to a long list of recipients. Reaching out to others is not a numbers game. Your goal is to make genuine connections with people you can count on.

The Networking Jerk 63 Im embarrassed by the way I learned this lesson. So I began a practice when I graduated from Yale to send a holiday card to everyone in my contact database. By the time I was at Deloitte, that list was thousands of people long and I was hiring temp help to address and even sign the cards at years end.

Well, we all can see this coming. The intention was good enough until a college roommate noted actually, gibed how appreciative he was to get not one but three cards one year. Its not about mass, its about a real connection. Being disliked will kill your connecting efforts before they begin. She took over the Washington Post in after the death of her husband, Philip Graham.

Graham proved everyone wrong. She helped to build one of the great newspapers and most successful businesses in America. In fact, it was this style that is her most lasting legacy. Graham's influence gave her an ability to empower others— from the highest echelons of society to its lowest— with a sense of dignity and respect.

Richard Cohen, a columnist for the Washington Post, wrote the following a few days after Graham's funeral: On a beastly July Sunday some years ago, I returned to Washington from the beach and took a taxi to the parking garage across the street from the Washington Post where I kept my car. A tent had been erected on the Post's own parking lot. It was for a company party, given for people whose names you never hear— those un-bylined, non-TV- appearing types who take the ads or deliver the paper or maybe just clean the building.

In the heat, I saw Katharine Graham plodding toward the party. She was old by then, and walking was difficult for her. She had a farm in Virginia, a house in Georgetown, an apartment in New York and, most significantly that hideously hot day, a place on the water in Martha's Vineyard. Yet here she was— incredibly, I thought— doing the sort of thing vice presidents-for-smiling do in other companies. Analyze the life of Katharine Graham, and one inescapable theme emerges: But you don't have to do much heavy lifting before you find an extensive list of non-celebrity attendees.

Here's a sampling: She said Graham never missed a session: Those who are best at it don't network— they make friends. They gain admirers and win trust precisely because their amicable overtures extend to everyone.

Graham's relationship with form er secretary of state Henry Kissinger, more than anyone, highlighted her flare for friendship qua friendship, as opposed to friendship for ulterior purposes. On the surface, the two seemed the unlikeliest of pals: After all, the crucial moments of Graham's career were stunning blows to Kissinger's. First, in , there was Graham's decision to publish the Pentagon Papers, confidential documents detailing the U.

A year later the Post, at Graham's behest, began its Watergate investigations. Yet there was Kissinger, the first speaker to eulogize Graham at her funeral. He and Graham frequently attended movies together. How did Graham form such an alliance, such a friendship? How did she create connections with everyone from anonymous teachers to the world's most famous and powerful?

By knowing her boundaries and cultivating trust in others; by being discreet; by the sincerity of her intentions; by letting the other person know she had his or her best interests at heart. In an interview with CNN, Kissinger remarked: She never asked me for special interviews or anything of that kind.

Schuller hom you meet, how you meet them, and what they think W of you afterward should not be left to chance. As Winston Churchill would tell us, preparation is—if not the key to genius— then at least the key to sounding like a genius. The only criterion for what should be included is that I want to know what this person is like as a human being, what he or she feels strongly about, and what his or her proudest achievements are. Did the person have a good or bad quarter? Does the company have a new product?

Trust me, all people naturally care, generally above and beyond anything else, about what it is they do. As William James wrote: Here are a few guidelines, not so much of where to look but of how to look at it: Besides leading you to relevant info, a quick search gives you something more subtle—a sense of how active the person is online and how much information they share.

Take a look to see how you re connected and what groups they Ve joined. Read their work history and summary info carefully. The summary will often reveal what they re most proud of professionally, and perhaps what goals they re working toward. Also check out their last activity on the site. See if they have an account and how they re using it. Also look for a company account, and use search. Generally, most of what they have will be available on their company site, which you should visit first.

Of course, tick it off on your list as you prep. But keep in mind that our carefully curated Facebook personae often neglect our most passionate or pressing issues.

Setting out to know someone inevitably means understanding what their problems or needs are. Find a way to become part of those things that are of most interest to them, and you will have found a way to become part of their life. There were fifteen participants, each one an executive of a company far bigger than my own. There was a brief mixer before the event to allow the participants to mingle and get to know one another.

Then a panel discussion on the future of marketing, given the challenges facing big brands. Afterward, a short dinner. Food, I find, has a unique ability to facilitate conversation. People are usually open, even eager, to be amused while eating. Meals at conventions, however, are problematic. That left the mixer. During mixers, I like to hang out near the bar. Virtually everyone gets a drink at some point.

Throughout the day, I had also scouted out which rooms the people I wanted to meet were holding court in for the day, and arranged my schedule so I could be there as they were walking in or out.

My office compiled simple bios of the VIPs who were coming in case I ended up meeting them or sitting next to them. A master politician like Winston Churchill planned his public encounters in the same way. What is less known—but which Churchill acknowledged in his own writing—is the blood, sweat, and tears of preparation that went into the making of a single sentence or the delivery of a clever joke. Churchill realized the power of knowing his audience and knowing how to push their buttons.

So how did I do? I had admired him since I was an undergrad and had seen him speak on campus. So I tapped into my alumni network for more information. There, I found a treasure trove of old college affiliations and interests.

It turned out we had both been in Berkeley College at Yale. That meant he must have known Robin Winks, a warmly admired and much-respected professor for whom I had worked while in college. When I brought up our many common experiences, we hit it off.

He invited me to keep in touch in the coming years. I hoped our paths would cross many more times over the years, and they certainly have. When Professor Winks—Robin—passed away just a week later, we shared our memories of him. I had no affiliations or organizations in common with the other CEO I wanted to meet.

I know firsthand how much commitment and sacrifice it takes to train day in and day out to run and complete a marathon. I had tried—and failed. I had begun to train for a marathon one year, but my knees started to act up, to my disappointment.

I had to stop. Keep in mind, this was before everyone was posting their training logs, race plans, and finish-line photos all over the Internet. I never shy away from mentioning the research Ive done. Do Your Homework 75 As it happened, the day before I had gone through Barrys Boot Camp, a tough-as-nails but totally exhilarating exercise regimen in West Hollywood, not far from the conference.

Later, she tried boot camp with me and loved it. Once again, your goal in such a setting is to transform what could be a forgettable encounter into a blossoming friendship. CHAPTER 8 Take Names nce youve taken the time to figure out what your mission is O and where you want to get to, the next step is to identify the people who can help you get there. How do you manage it? The people who build social platforms know this and are getting better at helping you filter out the noise.

But their algorithms will never be as smart as you are about what really matters to you. What you need is focus and intention. Ink and paper are a perfectly suitable way to keep track of the top priorities in your expanding social life.

Im a list-taking madman, and you should become one, too. On my last day at Starwood, I made more than forty phone calls. One of them was to Sandy Climan. It was Sandy who eventually recruited me to YaYa.

At the time, YaYa had the technology to invent online games that corporations could use to attract and educate their customers, but the company had no customers—or revenue. First, I sat down and established ninety-day, one-year, and three-year goals in my Relationship Action Plan. In ninety days, I had to establish credibility with the board, gain the trust of my employees, and set a clear direction for the business.

Interactive ads were hopelessly ineffective, and banner ads on websites were considered an industry joke. We had to differentiate ourselves. My goal was to get to know almost all of them within a year. In creating your own categories, each should correspond to your own goals. When you make such lists, its important you name the actual decision makers, and not just an organization.

The point here is to have a readily accessible and specific list of names. At the outset, concentrate on the people who are already part of your existing network. I bet you have no idea how vast and widespread it really is. Take the time to list people such as: Very useful. I then create call sheets by region, listing the people I know and those I want to know. A variety of contact aggregators make it easy to sort your lists. I carry these lists around with me wherever I go.

Never Eat Alone PDF Summary

They focus my efforts in cabs between meetings. I have something palpable to encourage me to reach out. If papers not for you, you can do the same thing with any number of mobile apps. Some of the lists you create will be related to your action plans; others are more general, helping you to stay connected. The way you organize your lists can be fluid.

I have lists by geographical location, by industry, by activity other runners, for instance, or people who like to go out on the town , whether they re an acquaintance or friend, and so on. In the beginning stages at YaYa, I read all the trade magazines having to do with advertising and games. You want not only to know who the players in your field are but eventually to be recognized as one of those players.

And they probably all have lunched with one another at one time or another. Mapping the landscape is where you start. The Internet allows you to do incredibly granular searches through millions of contacts—but you still need to know how to narrow it down.

Media continue to provide one filter. Outside of that, Linkedln is invaluable. So I asked him how he was using it. But nothing came of it. YouVe got to take the long view.

Search its more than million users by any keyword you can think of. And the site immediately tells you whether you share connections with any given person.

Its the Holy Grail of networking! The people on that list may be anyone from heads of state and media moguls, to artists and actors, to people others speak highly of. I list these people, too. But I want to. He was on my aspirational list once. I now know Howard. People, get a chuckle out of this, but the results speak for themselves. As for me, my three years at YaYa came to a close. And its clear that without that bunch of lists to thank, YaYa would never have made it beyond the first year of operations.

I can relate to those who go catatonic at the very idea of calling a stranger. So how do you manage a cold call?

First, its all about attitude. Your attitude. There are always a hundred reasons to procrastinate.

LAURE from North Carolina
See my other posts. I am highly influenced by matball. I do fancy exploring ePub and PDF books limply.